Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Borderline Personality Disorder (II)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
“A young hunter once stopped by a lake where he saw his reflection in the water. He did not realize it was just a reflection and fell in love with it. Afraid of losing this new loved one, he did not leave the shore, leading him to die by the lake”
Individuals with narcissism rarely have an established sense of self and operate on their own image and needs. Like BPD, narcissists have a lack connection to their own thoughts and feelings. While those with NPD are still able to empathize, they tend to lose this ability when his or her self-image is threatened. A person with NPD often cannot take criticism or negative feedback and often crave words of admiration excessively. They become particularly enraged when anyone’s actions lead others to cast a negative light onto them and become extremely harmful when their self-image is being threatened. They need to constantly feel that they are the best, or number one in most of their environments. They often create a cage around their partners and often control, manipulate, and humiliate them. They do not usually pay attention to others’ needs and dismiss others’ opinions and feelings.
Understanding & Interacting with NPD
Often those with NPD diagnosis rarely express empathy and a deep connection to their feelings. As a child, if the individual did not get unconditional acceptance and admiration and was treated disrespectfully, the child would attempt to avoid those feelings of unworthiness by intensely focusing on another aspect of themselves (i.e. obsessing about their body image, success in their career later in life, overall performance, etc.). Any feelings of inadequacy might be projected onto others. Being in the company of a narcissist often makes people feel not good enough. But keep in mind, those are the underlying feelings that the narcissist feels about themselves; they are projecting them onto others. Those diagnosed with NPD follow a career path that is generally valued and held highly by society. But underneath their spirit is in pain. They do not have a sense of individuality, and that is a very painful space to be in. Narcissists often create a very hard shell that they are not aware of, a shell that is difficult for most to pierce through and have the chance to truly understand them. A narcissist would not go in a relationship because he or she feels something, but by evaluation if their partner would add enough to their image. Those are also people that are very supportive of our economy and need the best cars, clothes, and any kind of materialistic object to show off and showcase the “idea” and “perfect” life.
What do we do with it?
At the end of the day, most narcissists are not happy with themselves and do not facilitate healthy relationships. Narcissism can mostly be seen through intrapersonal relationships, and in this example, romantic/intimate relationships. So, what is the first step in bettering it all? A Narcissist needs to connect to their body. A narcissist lacks coherence between what they feel and what happens outside of themselves. Some questions an individual can ask themselves to be more grounded in their body and true self is:
What am I feeling when I am involved in a situation?
Why do I feel a certain way? Where does it root from?
Is how I express myself and perceive the world healthiest for me?
Would I like the treatment I give to others if I tried it on myself?
Narcissist often take also blame on themselves. While it is rarely shown, narcissists often feel responsible and blame themselves for their childhood abuse, have a hard time admitting it out loud. What is needed to heal is to share and feel the pain experienced as a child, hold those responsible, acknowledge everything felt, and ultimately transform it for the better. While it may be painful to experience and process, it is a necessary confrontation with one’s self to face feelings of shame, guilt and low self-esteem in order to understand where and why it was initially manifested. None of this is an easy process, which is why having a skilled and experienced therapist is important.